So, things at home haven’t really been the greatest, these last few weeks. I often wonder if it’s a good or bad thing to speak your mind, to those that you have a problem with.
So I spoke my mind, and clearly it bit me on my arse. And since then, things at home have not been good at all.
I am sick and tired of getting headaches on a daily basis, due to stress.
I do realize I cannot control people’s actions and their decisions in their life. The only decisions I can control are my own. I just wish some people would make better choices in their lives. I only want the best for people.
I am tired of putting my life on hold for other people. These last few years, I feel like I have been wasting my time. I always seem to put other people first, and very rarely do what I want to do. I have always had people make up my mind for me. I had always gone with the flow and followed other people’s decisions in life.
I always seem to let people manipulate me into situations which I don’t always want to do. Yes, it’s partly my fault because I did not have the guts to say no.
This is the second time I have moved out of mum and dads, got myself set up and started to feel comfortable where I was living. I thought things were going well. Only to be three months down the track, to be put back where I started from, the only thing different is more debt and more bills to pay off. On top of the seven thousand dollars I already owe.
I have been thinking long and hard about my future. Where I want to be in the next 5 years. I am going to soon make a decision about what is best for myself, my future. How I want to live my own life.
The only thing I can say right now, is that I will be taking a step back from helping others, and letting them learn things the hard way. I realize now my help and my time is no longer needed by certain people, and sure that’s fine by me.
I can no longer put off what I want to do. I can no longer help others and get nothing in return. I am done trying to make something work, when it just obviously just wasn’t meant to be.
I have tried being the bigger person, tried to simply ‘get over things’ , maybe it’s the others that need to simply ‘get over it’ .
I guess this is what growing up is all about. Making decisions for yourself. Making a bad decision and then learning from your mistakes.
Currently I have made a few bad moves these last couple of years, but I feel now I have another shot, another opportunity to make things right for myself. I just need to pick myself up, and try again.
My time starts right now. The next chapter of my life starts right now.